Sometimes you win, and most of the time, you learn. The hard way.

Ever since I heard about it in 2023, Audax has been my personality. My hiking friends, who re-introduced me to cycling in 2022, introduced me to their friend who participated in Audax, became a Super Randonneur, and even participated in the Paris-Brest-Paris.

At that time my cycling vocabulary was limited to bike commuting and bike touring, so when I learned that such an event existed, the gears in my brain started shifting.

What is Audax, Anyway?

Audax is a long-distance cycling challenge held at various times throughout the year. It’s under the randonneuring type of cycling, but because of its time-limited format, it’s also a type of brevet–participants have a card that must be signed by the organizers at checkpoints throughout the route.

While these words are interchangeable, let’s stick to Audax for the entirety of this blog post.

Originating in France, and even pre-dating the Tour de France, the word Audax is Latin for “bold” (i.e. audacity). All events are mostly unmarshalled and unsupported. The challenge lies in finishing a certain distance within a specific time limit.

• 100km (Populaire) – 6H58
• 200km – 13H30
• 300km – 20H
• 400km – 27H
• 600km – 40H

Those who finish 200-600km Audax events are called Super Randonneurs, and they can qualify for much longer events like the 1200 Paris-Brest-Paris, the 1200 Hokkaido Audax, and even 1000 London-Edinburgh-London, among others.

Aside from France and the Audax Randonneurs Philippines, other countries like the USA, UK, and Australia also have Audax “clubs”. Once you finish any Populaire or Brevet, you can call yourself a randonneur, or a cyclist who has done this kind of event.

Finally, if anything, Audax is not a race. Some of us treat it as a really, really, really long bike commute or bike touring experience. You can go alone as a privateer or in a group.

Audax is a great experience and I recommend this to anyone who wants to test their physical and mental endurance.

Audax Iloilo 2025

My first major Audax this year is the Audax Iloilo. Since August last year, I’ve been hyping myself up for it. The island of Panay has a special place in my heart as I spent a few good summers there as a kid, and cycling in the province felt like a dream come true.

This is actually the first Audax in the province, so the route is new and virtually untested. It was the “standard” 200km distance that needed to be completed within 13.5 hours. It started and ended in Ateneo de Iloilo.

Most of the route is flat or had rolling hills, all except for a more-or-less 25km “mountain stage” on the Iloilo-Antique Road (also known as bukid) with three major steep climbs and winding descents.

All throughout the ride you’re met with vast sea and mountain views, especially once you hit San Joaquin.

There are four checkpoints – San Joaquin for kilometer 50, Tobias Fornier (if I’m not mistaken) for kilometer 100, Hamtic for kilometer 125, and San Joaquin again for the last 50km. I only reached three of the four checkpoints.

I DNF’d (did not finish) Audax Iloilo.

Everything Was Going Well… Until It Wasn’t

We rode out at 5am from Ateneo de Iloilo on a rainy February 23.

I was initially cycling at an average speed of 21-23kph on the flats, so I was making record time. We passed through old churches and other holy grounds, beautiful vistas of the sea, and other interesting points along the route. For a while, it felt like cycling in a Hayao Miyazaki animation: breathtaking and whimsical.

But as I got to the Tiolas-Sinugbuhan Road around kilometer 65, that vision disappeared.

I experienced my first crash.

I was going downhill on a rather steep winding road and I was trying to stay on the right as a car was passing by that time. My tires hit loose gravel and I lost balance. I hit concrete, then grass; my head hit the base of the barriers. I had a few cuts and scrapes. Still, I got back on the bike despite feeling the sting from where I was bleeding.

Thankfully, another cyclist was with me and we accompanied each other until I was able to shake off the shock of the fall. Still hopeful to finish, I kept my pace and took in the coastal sights before me.

When I was at kilometer 71, I found a medic station along the highway. I asked for first aid and went on my way. I pushed through climb and rolling hill, conserved my energy in flat areas, enjoyed the descents where I could freewheel at 45kph–most of which pushed me on top of another hill, only to pedal for a few revolutions until I went downhill again. Unless I get to the town propers in each municipality, there were hardly any large vehicles, so I enjoyed my ride.

The second fall happened as I was about to enter Hamtic. The heat was getting to me, and I wasn’t as aware of the road I should have been. A truck wanted to overtake me and as I moved to the right to stop, I lost balance trying to unclip my shoes and fell again. I didn’t make full contact with the ground but my shoulder hit a wall, which was equally painful as this was the shoulder that I injured almost two years ago. I just shook myself and went back on the road.

I finally reached the “mountain stage” after the junction at Hamtic and managed to climb most of the steep ascents despite my legs giving in. The forest canopy shielded me from the sun, and passing vehicles gave way when they could. I thought I could make it just in time for the last stop.

Until my life flashed before my eyes.

The Toughest Realization

The first descent looked too easy, to be honest. Open road, barely any car in sight. All I needed to do was control my bike and stay within the lane as much as possible.

Basically like descending Sumulong or Tikling without the congestion.

But no.

As I was going down and trying to stick to the right, my tires skidded a bit because my braking was wrong, and I overshot into the left lane, crashed into a gutter, and hit my head on some rocks. A few seconds later a bus made its way up and missed my body on the ground.

I could have fucking died.

My bike was surprisingly still okay (screw carbon bikes, mehn) and roadworthy. I managed to get out of it with bruises and barely a scrape, but my mental health was dying.

My hands started quivering. My sweat felt cold on my forehead. My eyes were shifting left and right. It was hard to swallow my saliva. My breathing faltered.

I was alone.

There was no signal in the mountain.

I couldn’t call my SAG who was still in Iloilo.

I didn’t know anyone.

Sari-sari stores were miles apart.

There were no other cyclists passing by.

I went into an anxiety attack.

Luckily, an elderly couple helped me and told me to stay in their home, which was a few meters away from the road. I stayed there for a good 30 minutes or so. The wife offered snacks and water, while the husband checked my bike for dents or flats. Their daughter served as translator as I can’t speak straight Ilonggo, and they could not understand too much Tagalog.

The husband asked (via their daughter) if I wanted to take his tricycle to the Iloilo-Antique Arch. It was tempting, so tempting, but I remembered I was still in time and I could still finish Audax. Despite the major crash and my mental health failing me, I left their house and kept pushing.

If I need to walk up or down, I’ll get off my bike and push it.

If I could bike downhill, I would.

The only thing in my mind was finishing Audax, hopefully alive.

But the day was wearing on, and I realized, while walking downhill (the road was steep), I missed the cut-off for the last checkpoint in San Joaquin. I was losing daylight; I was losing whatever dopamine I had left.

I still kept going.

I needed to get back.

But I knew I wasn’t going to finish. It was a tough realization, but a humbling one at that.

I messaged my coach once I found signal again, telling him that I couldn’t complete this Audax. I was still going try to add to my mileage.

My mental health was almost at its breaking point, and I was staving off another anxiety attack. Cliffs started looking a bit too friendly. Lush canopies slowly started growing darker, more ominous. Birdsong sounded like the battlecries of ethereal spirits awakening from their abode. Passersby felt too close, too intrusive. Large vehicles shook me to my core; those who honked at me made me scream.

I was holding back tears, not because I couldn’t finish, but because I was alone and everything felt like an assault on the senses, like tiny shards of glass on skin.

It was on an easy downhill path that I called my SAG. It was so easy; but I just couldn’t.

We met at kilometer 143. I only had 57 kilmoters to go; I can do that in 2.5 hours. But I was spent. I ended my ride on my bike computer and waited for the car to pick me up.

All I remember was the sun setting behind me, retreating into the mountain where I was nearly at wits’ end, and I was surrounded by small terraces and farmland. I was trying to keep my head out of a dark space. Since I didn’t finish Audax, I could at least leave with whatever sanity I had left.

I needed myself more than to finish some cycling event. Lick my wounds and live to ride another day.

DNF is Just Part of the Ride

It’s been almost a week since Audax Iloilo, and I still get nightmares and wake up in a sweat after those crashes, but I’m still here.

There is much to learn from DNFing. It’s funny: At the start, DNF isn’t an option, until it becomes one, and then it’ll be the smartest choice you’ll make during Audax.

That aside, this experience has made me realize that I have so much more to learn about cycling. I have to improve on my braking technique and my confidence going downhill, no matter how steep it is. I still believe that I was mentally resilient, but three crashes and being alone in a place with no phone signal did a number on me.

Goes to show that you can have the perfect diet, the perfect training regimen, the perfect everything, and still DNF. And that’s fine.

Nevertheless, Audax, whether I finish or don’t, makes me love cycling even more. From bike commuting to long bike tours, it’s given me a better sense of why I do what I do, and why I want to do more of it.

What’s Next After This?

There will be more Audax challenges to come. Plus, doing 143 kilometers solo with a new route is no small feat. Still giving myself a pat on the head for that.

In April I will start preparing for Audax 200 Subic, which I think is on June 1. Between now and then, I have a few bike tours lined up. You can check my Cycling Calendar for my schedule.

DNF is definitely not a sign of failure or weakness, despite what my brain and other people are telling me. It’s part of the experience of endurance or long-distance cycling. It’s all part of being a cyclist.

Audax is an intensely worthwhile event that I wish more cyclists can consider if they enjoy long rides. I do not regret this at all, and I’ll definitely do Audax Iloilo again (and hopefully finish!).

If you’ve reached the end of this posting, thank you for reading! Have you done an Audax in the Philippines before? How was it? I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below!